I Almost Killed A Man

I've been quiet for a reason.  I have a lot of things to write about soon (zombies, self help, recipes, oh my), and I'm hoping I can get back into the groove soon.

If you're wondering why I've been quiet (and by you, I mean all four of you that read this, not including my mom and the Semi-BFF), it's because this month is a bit hard on me.

A year ago one day last week, I caught my husband cheating for the second time (the second time I knew about, anyway).  And when I say cheating, I mean with everyone imaginable.  And when I say I caught him, I mean I read his text messages when he came home from fucking one of his women and had a nap.

Apparently cheating is hard work and makes you very tired.

So, along with the usual pressures of starting over and real life, I've spent most of this month in a bit of a fog.  I often find myself back in that moment, his phone falling out of my hand and hitting the floor, the world around me as I knew it suddenly crashing down.  After throwing up, I stood at the end of the couch, looking down at him, rooted to that spot while I pictured myself killing him.   Walking to the kitchen to get a knife, and stabbing him.  I could actually picture myself doing it, and more than that, I wanted to.  Badly.  

It's hard to talk about.  It's hard to think about.  It seems like I stood there, thinking about murdering him for hours, but I'm certain it was only minutes.  As I finally opened my mouth to start screaming at him, something or someone snapped it shut, and I heard a voice as clear as day.

"It's time to leave.  "

Silently and robotically, I turned from him, and started packing a few things.

To this day I don't know how he slept through me packing my computers and gear, a few clothes and the dogs, but he did.  I don't know how I did it, but I did.

The real pain came later, and continued (continues?) throughout the summer, but that moment right there? That moment changed my entire life.  It changed my entire being.  And sometime in the past week, that moment became a year old.

{review} Against The Night by Kat Martin

 "Johnnie Riggs was a night owl.  Tonight he sat at a table at the Kitty Cat Club on Sunset Boulevard, watching a little blonde pole dancer with the hottest body he'd ever seen and trying like hell not to get an erection.  "

Any book that mentions erection in the second sentence of the book is probably going to be my kind of escape. Against the Nightby Kat Martin was a random pick, but one of the best books I've read in it's genre in a long time.

I devoured this book.  I needed this book.  I needed Johnnie.  Tall, dark, gruff, brooding, straight forward, ex-Ranger Johnnie.  I needed a girl like Amy - sweet, and realistically innocent.  I needed their opposites attract dynamic. 

Amy's a kindegarten teacher, fresh on the L.A exotic dancer scene from small town Michigan.  She's trying to track down her stripper sister, who vanished two months ago.  While dancing at the Kitty Cat Club and trying to find some leads, she runs into Johnnie - ex Ranger turned Private Investigator. 

The heat between them is electrifying from the get go, even though there's no actual sex until later.  Their attraction was so well written, I was lost in the pages instantly, barely coming up for air. 

A lot of romances aren't very realistic, and although a few of the events or details in this book follow the same un-realistic formula, I cared so little that I can't even remember what they are now.  I'm smitten with everything about this book - the characters, the attraction, the slight suspense, the writing.   This is one of the later books in the Raines of Wind Canyon series, but I never felt like I was missing anything, and have no problems classifying Against the Night as a great stand alone read.  However, I will be promptly marking the first books in the series high on my TBR pile!

 This is what romance novels are supposed to be - perfect.

P.S  I remember one of the things that did irk me - babies.  Every woman in every romance novel wants babies, and this story is no exception.  I understand it.  I do.  But just once, I'm sure my other Child Free by Choice chickas would like to see a woman FREAK OUT when condoms in the story are forgotten because no way no hell is she gonna be a mamma.  Just a suggestion.